The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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