Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
