There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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