I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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