Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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