is your mom at the bar?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
