She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
