I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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