I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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