Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
