I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
