I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
