If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize