i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
