I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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