Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
