My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've blown a few things in my day
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
