i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want her autograph on my taint
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
