Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
