I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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