Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
