Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
