She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
