we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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