I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
