I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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