At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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