When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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