I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
