Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
