did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like eating out sand paper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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