I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
