Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
