We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am one with the molecules
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
