Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she peed on how many people?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
