I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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