I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack