you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo