loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts