He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.