i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.