White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.