Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
