I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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