My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
