There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
