i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think i have two assholes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
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