Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
