This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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