Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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