Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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