I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
