So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
