I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize