my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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