wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
