having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize