I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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