Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
