Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
