This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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